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the fen demos

by olivia lowe

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1.
i know i'm a know it all so why don't i get you at all nothing's broken i can see that but this ache won't go away i liked that you asked me for pictures and i liked how we looked together liked that i made you feel better for a minute anyway we're fading but you've left your mark already i was so steady before you let me fall now we're just touching through a screen door and i guess that's okay but nothing's really changed nothing's broken but there's distance funny, now i know the difference feeling dizzy, do you miss me the way i need you to? stuck carrying around some kind of awful i'm soaking in my blues i can't fight it, i try crying 'cause nothing feels the same and i think that's a shame
2.
i can’t wait to see ladybugs inside again my hips freeze in the cold and you got a nose bleed while braiding my hair it made me feel like we’re not quite so old lips stained with turmeric from the corner store down the street walked through the snow, long way to go just to make some golden milk tea but i won’t tell you when i see ladybugs inside again cause you wouldn’t want to know and you won’t tell me to quiet down when i’m too loud cause we both know how that goes we screamed when the doorbell rang after we watched horror movies all day it was a bit too close to midnight but really it was always okay really it was always okay okay
3.
i've seen a man's eyes pop out of his head if you think that only happens in cartoons you'd be dead you'd be dead wrong i wonder why nobody looks at me that way well in college i learned how to control a room - it was a side effect, not a class now nobody thinks i'm shy anymore and i pass yeah i pass as confident i don't want people to look at me that way 'cause there are a million people that look like me but nobody looks like her no. no one looks like her on your birthday we got drunk and rode into the city where a man in a truck, some stupid little punk called you pretty i wonder who do they even think they are 'cause there are a million people who look like me but nobody looks like her and there are a million people that think that way but nobody thinks like us and there are a million people who'll see what i mean when they see my pretty best friend standing next to me when they see her next to me
4.
got me hooked on kissing around corners making eyes across the room i could say that i remember how it happened at first but I don't really have a clue got me talking about you like there's no tomorrow got me laughing in the dark got me wrapped around every little moment with you, feeling every place you left your mark found a knot in the back of my hair from the last time your hands were there got all dolled up to ask if you need help breaking my heart and you did of course you did somehow you still don't make me feel like i'm too much when i don't know how to be less and anyone can tell just looking at us that for me it's almost too easy too admit that i kind of miss the time when you were a little bit mine and i know in that moment you didn't mean to break my heart but you did of course you did and you could never hurt to look at but i feel it when you leave oh you could never hurt to look at but i hate it when you leave and we don't talk about what happened in the time from your birthday to mine we barely even started, wasn't ready to let go but i did of course i did of course i did
5.
tucked away 04:31
at the end of the line i'll remember my roots and the time i spent watering them getting mud on the soles of my boots and at the end of the line i'll remember yours too like a tree, my memories grow 'round the time that i spend with you and you hate the way the fitted sheet just won't stay but honey, that won't matter in the dirt where we lay and i know you don't like to think that way so i'll keep it all tucked away darling i can't decide where i want to be left watching here from the grass near the road where you and i first met or marked with a stone above the estuary looking over the great blue expanse, caught up in that salty breeze will you hate the way that i sleep all day? as i become part of that dirt where we lay 'cause you know i can't wait to feel that way but i need a second here so i'll wait at the end of the line i'll be covered with roots feeling raindrops through my fingertips under somebody else's boots and i'll love the way that we sleep all day impressions wearing thin in the dirt where we lay but you'll be right there watching frame by frame and i'll feel safe tucked away

about

i was sick all week and decided to record some little ditties with my free time! they aren't perfect but they are cozy, and fen sat by me and listened the whole dang time. enjoy.

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released November 11, 2022

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olivia lowe Boston, Massachusetts

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